Recovering from Addictive Behavior through
Reframing Beliefs, Reframing Reward Systems,
and Creating Balance
Addictive Behavior
Do any of the following statements sound familiar, as related to addictive behavior?
I made it through the day today. I really deserve that glass of wine.
It’s vacation time! I’m going fishing, and the only thing that would make it nicer is a cold beer.
I was so good for the past week in sticking to my diet, that I deserve a piece of chocolate cake.
It’s the holidays! Everyone eats junk food during the holidays.
We made it through that argument. We can feel how strong our love is. Never again will we argue.
I understand how my rage hurt those in my family. I vow to never get angry again.
It has been a whole year since I have used. Just one line isn’t going break me. Don’t I deserve that much?
The pain is unbearable. I deserve to take this last pill. Just one more and then I will quit.
I know I shouldn’t go back, but I love him. He said he won’t hit me again and I believe him.
All of the above behaviors could be considered addictive behaviors. Addictive behaviors are wired into belief and reward systems, making the conflict of giving them up just that much stronger. Many people believe that if they do not continue to smoke, then they will not have friends at work, or that their family will not want to associate with them.They believe that if they give up their addictive behavior, life may not be worth living.They believe that perhaps life will lose its magic, or that there will not be a reason to continue.
Addictive Behavior: Beliefs and Reward Systems
In the face of a real addiction, it is not easy to see past the loss of a well-earned reward, a best friend. It is so hard to see that life can go on without cigarettes, without alcohol, without drugs or sugar. The reason this is so hard to see, is because the addictive behavior attempts to tie itself, weave and wind itself, into every facet of your life. The body believes that it needs the substance, the food, the sex, or the argument. It begins to link that to reward to survival. An addiction becomes equivalent to simple sustenance. But this is only a belief. And beliefs can be changed to aid the recovery of addictive behaviors.
Everyone has had the experience of purchasing a particular product that they love. After the purchase of this product they may express their disbelief that they ever got along without it. But the truth is that they did. They got along just fine. And had the product never come along, they still would have been just as functional, just as well off.
The Case of an Appliance Addiction?
When we are talking about a blender or a vacuum, that is one thing. When we begin talking about speed, pain killers, or alcohol, that is a complete other thing. The right vacuum can make your life easier and cleaner. It can be very beneficial and save you a lot of time. Its presence might make you more dependent on what it can do, but it will not necessarily endanger your life. Drugs or alcohol can take away the pain, and be a distraction in times when distraction is much needed, but the side effects of dependency are far more severe than the dependency on a vacuum. They can and will ruin your life, given the appropriate time and circumstances.
So I’m taking away your vacuum. You may be very upset about this, but it’s a fairly easy scenario to get over. On the other hand, if I take away your sugar or your pain killers, that’s going to be a non-negotiable. They are tied to your survival. Your body won’t die with out the vacuum, but without the sugar and pain pills, it feels like it just might. And the truth is that the lows experienced in the scenario of drug, alcohol, food, and even emotional dependency detox, are down right scary, and can be life-threatening.
The question at hand is, what is the difference? Why doesn’t the vacuum affect you in the same way as the harmful addictive substances?
The Belief
Let’s say that you grew up in a house where it was always dirty and you were always sick. The filth was so extensive that you almost died several times from different illnesses. Your family didn’t have any tools to keep the place clean, and was far too busy cleaning up bigger messes to care about matters of cleanliness. (Your parents were addicts….). So now the vacuum becomes something completely different. Now your survival could be tied to owning that vacuum. Now you feel that if you do not have it, you could die. And that is the difference between an addiction and what some would call a habit. One is tied to your survival and the other is not.
Addictive Chemicals
Now if we analyze these scenarios, and take them a bit deeper, we will see the chemical dependency aspect of what is occurring. When the body is in imminent harm or danger, it sends chemical signals to the brain. Those chemical signals create a state that helps the body to cope with the issue or issues at hand. In certain instances the body will receive dopamine or serotonin to help it feel better. And in other instances the body will process adrenalin and cortisol which help it function better in times of danger.
A person can get addicted to the sensations of any of these chemicals….not just the good stuff. In the absence of the chemicals, the body begins to wonder where its fix is. At that point it will go into craving, finding a reason to be angry, or even creating a feeling of hunger or pain, in order to arrange for those chemicals to be provided.
But in truth the body is merely seeking balance. It wants to feel better because the cycle has taken it to a low point. This low point could mean despondency or depression, and therefore, survival tells the body it needs something to counteract and create a balance. Only the craving that was meant to balance the body goes too far, and when its effect fades it will be necessary again…usually in higher quantities. And thus we can see the cycle to just about any addictive behavior, even the vacuum.
Creating Balance
The question then becomes, how do we create balance? How do we get a person to swing less and less in one direction, so that their natural tendency to swing in the other direction is also reduced? When a medical warning on a medication warns the patient not to stop using the substance all at once, this “swing” we are speaking of is the reason. And in essence this is the idea that needs to be used to help an addict find their way out of substance, food and emotional addiction.
A pendulum is a really good metaphor. When the pendulum is in full swing the highs and lows are at their greatest. When a pendulum is not swinging there is balance. There are couple of components involved in adjusting the swing of a functioning pendulum. The first component, of course, has to do with the gradual weaning and reframing of the reward/survival system that the person has become engaged in. But there is also a second component. In order to explain this aspect of addiction recovery, let me present the following scenario.
In the example above the person was addicted to their vacuum cleaner, for very good reasons. Now if we took the vacuum away gradually, do you think the person would lose their addictive behavior? Well, maybe, but wouldn’t the person still be cleaning frantically, looking for ways to stay well.This is due to their belief that their survival is dependent upon keeping their environment super clean. So we might be able to wean the person off of the vacuum, but the addiction would just be replaced with another, until the person realizes that they are holding a false belief about their environment and themselves. Weaning them off the vacuum would do nothing to alleviate that false belief.
Explaining Recovery Failure
And here we have the reason why many people fail in their recovery from addictive behavior. The focus is on getting them off the drug, helping them end their relationship, or getting them to eat more healthy, instead of recognizing what is causing the addictive behavior in the first place. Why is their survival tied to this particular addiction? What is it about not having the addictive substance, item, or emotion that makes their body believe they might not survive? There is a much better opportunity to help an addict recover by addressing the false belief their body is clinging to, as well as the cycle of addiction, than by just doing one or the other alone.
The human being can actually adjust to just about anything over time. Let’s face it, if a person can come to believe that a vacuum or a pain killer is the key to solving all of their issues and staying alive, then it isn’t really a stretch to believe that a person can become well adjusted to a life without drugs or drama. Balance is the key.
Creating Balance
Creating that balance is the conundrum. A person can get the carpet pulled out from under them if the attempt at balance is created too swiftly. Look at it this way: If you consider the spectrum of highs and lows you could draw a circle. The top edge of the circle is the highest high and the bottom edge of the circle is the lowest low. If someone is at the highest high and you take away the substance that took them there, in other words they go cold turkey, then as soon as the drug wears off they will be visiting the lowest low.
But it actually goes a bit deeper than that. We know that in reality the circle cannot represent the highest high or the lowest low because the universe is infinite. This means that there may be no bottom to the pit of the lows. Balanced forces, however, require that lows be balanced with highs and vice versa. So the question then becomes, what is the least painful and most timely way to the center of the circle?
Reframing Beliefs
Reframing is a process. It means changing the way you look at something. It means changing the way you perceive. You can reframe anything. The process is a matter of getting your conscious mind, and your subconscious mind, to see something differently than it currently does, i.e. that the vacuum isn’t actually the key to survival.
Neural Pathways
This process of reframing also encompasses rewiring of the neural pathways. During reframing, as you expand your awareness to see something in a new way, you also rewire pathways in your brain called neural pathways. These pathways are carved into your brain and become more and more hard-wired, according to the frequency of their usage. This mechanism was designed in order to save time and energy in the decision making process. One of the reasons addiction is not easy to conquer, is because the neural pathways are hard wired, and before the conscious mind can protest, the subconscious mind as already acted. This is the reason we can know that something is not good for us, logically, and yet still not be capable of making an alternate, bad choice.
Recognizing Beliefs
The very first step in reframing beliefs is recognizing them. What is the belief that is causing me, she, or him to hold on to the addictive behavior? What is the core factor at the heart of the issue?
For example, a set in, programmed belief of “worthless,” is actually quite common. When this belief exists it is triggered and affirmed by a person’s environment constantly, as the subconscious looks for reasons to affirm it. If a person who believes they are worthless passes by a group of three people laughing, that is a trigger. It is assumed that those people are laughing at you, even though there is a 90% chance that is not the truth. If a person who believes they are worthless is asked to change something in their work, or told that they have something on their clothes, the automatic assumption is that these things are happening because they are worthless. The whole world becomes a trigger to reinforce the belief, although the belief is actually false, and the world is none the wiser.
Reframing the belief is simply balancing the belief, realizing that “worthless” is not the truth. A person who has recognized that they have this belief has already gotten their biggest break, so to speak. Recognition of the core issue is most of what it takes to overcome it, just as with addictive behavior. The rest is tools, assistance and mechanisms to reframe the belief. There are certain limitations to reframing subconscious beliefs, as the subconscious mind is not a logical mind, and will not take instruction like the conscious mind does. Tools such as Hypnotherapy, NLP, and Psych-K aid in this endeavor.
Reframing Rewards
After changing the core issue, you are free to work on the logistics of the physical addiction, and to be assured that measures will be effective and lasting. Addictions are intimately tied to a person’s reward system, and ingrained in daily habitual life. It is going to help a bundle to have that constant trigger relieved, but when an addiction is also a reward, the change needs to be addressed further.
The questions at the beginning of the article give us a good idea how people tie their addictive behavior to their reward system. So how do you convince an addict that a nice bath will be just as good as their pain killer? Or that a cup of tea will be just as nice and relaxing as a shot of tequila? The answer is that it just takes time. Everything is relative.
The Feelings Behind Addictive Behavior
Think about an addictive “high,” as if that experience magically transport you to the top of a mountain with a view you could not resist, and every luxury you could imagine. Only in the addictive high, you know that this view, and these luxuries are temporary. Once the drug wears off, you’ll be back where you were before, or even lower.
Now imagine that the place you found IS actually there. Through an outside force (a drug or a high), you found a way to get a glimpse of it. Now you know it exists. Now you have a choice. You can continue to use substances to get to the top, while at the same time harming your body and those around you, or you can choose to get busy finding a way to the top of that mountain with your own true power. At the same time, becoming stronger and freer, without the need of anything to keep you there. Once you get there of your own free will, you never have to leave. You can stay there, or go back and forth forever, if you choose.
The feeling so desperately sought after in addictive behaviors are real. These feelings are available and achievable. But you make a choice to be dependent on a substance or a person to get there. If the transportation is not reliable, it could be very dangerous.
Drink Tea, Not Tequila
So now look at the tequila versus the tea. It’s the same thing. The tequila will get you there, but it can also tear your world down, not to mention the world of those around you. The tea on the other hand might not hold so much immediate excitement, but it is actually improving your health, and taking you where you want to go, at a slower, more manageable pace. Best of all the tea is providing the means by which you are able to achieve an inner strength to accomplish the trip on your own….no dependency, no reliance, and no low. Who knows, you might even be able to provide a cup of tea for someone else who needs one.
Reframing is seeing this deeper truth about what addiction is doing to our lives, and the lives of those around us. In gaining this awareness it becomes easier to find the will to slow the swing of the pendulum, if just a little each day. The more energy a person gains from not having to swing the pendulum as high, the more energy he or she can use to get to the top of the mountain.
Maintaining Balance
Balance is one of the keys to life…you could even say it is the only key to life. When something is out of balance we know it. Symmetry and balance are what we see as beauty and harmony in a person, place or thing. Most people want to be around balanced people, because most people want to live balanced lives.
Balanced people make balanced teachers. When seeking balance and stability, make sure that the person or people from whom you are getting your tools are balanced and stable themselves. They should be at least more balanced and stable than you. For how can you teach something that you do not know, or have not achieved? And once you have achieved a certain standard of balance in your own life, do not be shy about teaching others what you have learned. In this way we can all make the world a better place to be. We can all enjoy the best of life at the top of the mountain, together.
by
Tammie Mohn, CCht, MBA, CPA, RYT
For more information regarding healing from addiction through reframing and balance, please contact me for your free consultation.
