Defining Dependence
Could dependence be the downfall of humanity? What do you depend on? For a second imagine a day in your life from the time you wake up, until the time you go to sleep. In each moment notice what it is that you depend on. If you are like many people, your list may look something like this:
I depend on my car to get me to work, my significant other to support me, my morning coffee to get me going, my exercise and healthy meals to keep me in good shape, my job for money, etc.
There are also other degrees of dependence. Those being heavier, such as I depend on my antidepressants to keep my mood stable, and those being lighter, such as I depend on my refrigerator to keep my food cold.
How Does Dependence Affect Our Lives?
We all depend on something. It would be very difficult to live in this world if we did not. The purpose of this article is not to judge regarding levels of dependence, but to create a higher understanding of what dependence brings about in our lives, how it actually causes life to be more difficult, and our minds, bodies, and communities to become weaker.
People learn more about dependence when they are required to do without specific people or things in their lives. Codependents learn that they are dependent upon another individual, only in that individual’s absence or in the threat of their absence. The same could be said for drug addicts or alcoholics. Everything is fine when the substance is available, but dependence becomes very apparent when the substance is unavailable.
The same could be said for religion. If a person were a devout Christian or Buddhist, what would happen if the Bible or the Tibetan Book of the Dead were unavailable? Would the religion still exist? Where would its principles come from? The religion is dependent upon the existence of the book, and the Christian or Buddhist is dependent upon the religion for the structure and principles of their lives. So had the books never been available, would the religions exist, and if they did, how would the followers know how to structure their lives?
How Dependence Promotes Laziness
When you go to a restaurant you have a set menu from which to order. If there is not a burger on the menu, then the restaurant likely doesn’t have a burger. If you went to a restaurant and there was not a menu, you could order whatever you wanted, so what would you do? In this case you might order a burger, but the larger point is that a restaurant cannot offer you all of the choices. They could never stock enough to offer you everything available to eat. They probably could not have a chef available to make just anything that you wanted.
We, as a nation and a world, have become accustomed to “menus.” We have a difficult time functioning in the face of an unlimited choice, dependent on the menu to tell us what our choices are. People depend on society, religion, and culture to tell us our choices for acceptable attire, conduct, language, and just about everything we do. It is easy. We don’t have to, nor are we encouraged to, use imagination in the way that we live. If you dress like everyone else does then you never have to think about what you are going to wear. And more importantly, you are never encouraged to be creative.
You are never encouraged to do what some would call, “think outside of the box.” Some of us are able to make our boxes just a little bit bigger, but rarely, if ever, do we get out of them. Over time the creative muscles that could be used to be ourselves and create something brand new, become fatigued and dull. The mind, expecting choices, never has any reason to grow or create.
How Dependence Promotes Loss of Individuality
Being dependent also promotes loss of individuality. In the case above you can see that because societal, cultural and religious norms dictate the choices that are made, there is only room for a certain amount of variety. To an extent, everyone is the same, assuming they abide by the norms. Variation in norms will tend to come from a few outliers who are often ostracized before their variation is accepted as a new “norm.” So not only do we adhere to societal norms, but we demand them, exorcising anything that disrupts our rights as human beings to choose from a menu.
How Dependence Promotes Energy Depletion
Would you eat your soup with a spoon? Would you cut down a tree with a steak knife? You could do both, but it would take a whole lot longer. It would, therefore, use much more of your energy than if you were to use the appropriate tool. When it comes to human beings what is our natural state? Is our natural state to be given choices and to be told what to do from the outside? Or is our natural state to create from within? The latter, of course, is the only answer.
Human beings have amazing energy and talents to flourish and create. What happens when a natural creative impulse is stifled by strict adherence to rules, philosophies, religions, and cultural norms? Well, first, more energy is expended doing what is unnatural compared to that which is natural. There is resistance to wanting to do something in a particular way, then having to do it in a way that is less comfortable and less efficient.
Have you ever been in a situation with an employer where they insist that you do something a particular way, even though you are aware of a better way? How do you feel when that happens? The resulting resentment and inefficient use of energy causes energy depletion. Imagine doing it 100 times a day or more. Imagine the energy loss that would occur then. And that is not too far from the truth when you look at an entire day of that type of energy expenditure.
How Dependence Promotes Separation and Conflict
The resentment referred to above gives us our next casualty of dependence, and that is separation. Encouragement to adhere to a strict set of rules, training to follow those rules, and investment in those rules leads to a group of people who become very unwilling to come out of their box.
Some religions or even gangs have certain initiations that make it difficult to get in, and, therefore, the adherence and insistence on the validity of the group is that much stronger. These groups then become separate from other groups, and the polarities in the adherence cause separation. That separation eventually leads to judgement and conflict, a sort of, “we are right and you are wrong.” We can see this all over the world today, in families, marriages, communities, religions, countries, etc., and the more fearful people get, the more they cling to dependence on people, groups, and religions outside of themselves. The cycle is very destructive.
The Cure for Dependence
Dependence has a cure, and that is coming back into ourselves. Realizing that our own higher power, our own individual wisdom and knowledge within can provide the best answers for us. This path, however, at this point, is not an easy one to travel. Using our own internal power, after so long having neglected it, is not easy. But it can be done.
Those who have served in our armed forces and retired spent 20 years being told what to do everyday. When they go home for the first time it is a huge adjustment that awaits them. When they no longer have someone telling them what to do, it must be very disconcerting to attempt to make choices for themselves, not having done so in so long. They move from a small box of choices, to a much larger box of choices.
In the same way humanity can begin to move from that larger box of choices, to an even larger box of choices. We can do this by becoming in-dependent. Becoming independent is not about encouraging anarchy or rebellions, quite the opposite. It is about bringing the creative individuality into society that will heal our separation. Independence will give us the ability to stop judging others and to see the beauty in every individual. It will allow us to conserve our energy and come together to create greater solutions for our people and our planet. It will allow true freedom.
For more information on hypnotherapy and how to become less dependent, contact me for your free consultation today, or check out my hypnotherapy recordings.
