What is Control Anyway?
Before we address letting go of the illusion of control, it would be wise to begin the story by defining what exactly it is that we are addressing. Today it is control. Control is defined as:
“the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.”
Wow! Straight out of the dictionary, and it might has well have written this article for me. When we talk about control from a hypnotherapy standpoint we are mainly speaking of control over the above two factors, people and events.
We would like to believe that we have control over other people and events, or most of us would; but imagine a world where we did have complete control over everything. Imagine a world where every person acted the way we wanted them to, and every event happened exactly the way we were sure it would. At some point, in the middle of orchestrating our entire lives, we would have to ask ourselves why the hell we are really here? If I’m making my world in its entirety and writing the play of my life, won’t that get just a little bit boring and predictable after awhile? Won’t I get tired of telling everyone exactly what to do and how to be, while making sure that each detail of each life event comes out exactly the way I want it? After all, that which we control also controls us.
What would we Learn if we Could Control Everything?
Let’s take a sample of this imaginary world for medicine. I meet the partner of my dreams. He is, of course, everything I ever wanted in a partner. Oh wait….there’s just that one thing – I don’t really like the way he puts his pants on. I would really prefer that he put his left leg in his pants first, then his right.
Ok, so I requested that change and it happened. He is exactly the version of the perfect man that I always wanted. But he’s so predictable. I don’t learn anything from him. He says exactly what I expect he is going to, and acts in accordance with all of my beliefs about what a partner should be. When he does something I don’t like, I tell him, he changes, and it never happens again. Is he still an individual or is he a robotic image of a man I have created to suit my needs?
There is, however, a part of the above paragraph that does ring a bell. Say we begin to arrange our lives from the outside. It is as if we were creating a play or a movie, and telling the characters exactly what to say. We have complete control, and everything will turn out to meet our expectations. The control we are speaking of in this instance is egoic outside control. This type of control is just like trimming the hedges or cleaning the house. How many people clean or do yard work when they are frustrated? (My hand is up even though you can’t see it.) That is because it is something we CAN control. People and events….not so much. But did you notice the word “beliefs” above, as in “he acts in accordance with all of my beliefs.”
Beleifs
Beliefs are our subconscious programs, hidden deep below our conscious awareness that actually run our lives. Did you know that the subconscious can process 4 million bits of information in a second, whereas the conscious can only process 40 bits? Let’s say we have two computers with the same specs and we have a really big, important job to get done. Which computer are we going to use to get the job done? Which one are we going to rely on?
Well the 40 bit computer of course. At least that is what we do most of the time as human beings. We take our conscious awareness and attempt to control our surroundings with that limited bit of power and our logical mind. Meanwhile we have the other computer running our core beliefs in the background with its immense power, not really giving a damn what the 40 bit computer is trying to do. Instead of using them together we are pitting them against one another.
The 4 million bit computer holds our beliefs. It is our subconscious, and it is merely a servant, that is it does not distinguish perceptions of “good” or “bad.” It always wins. So when we tell our partner in reality to please put his pants on with the left leg first and he tells us to take a flying leap, we know it is not our partners problem. He’s not putting his pants on wrong. We have something on the inside of us that is telling us he is.
The Change is Within!
In hypnotherapy we look at ourselves to make the change. That is always where the issue is. There is no blame game or telling another what they are doing wrong….we take responsibility for the reality we create. If we desire a different reality we don’t begin with the 40 bit computer, we get out the one that’s going to get the job done.
When we do this we learn about ourselves. We find out why we are being triggered by specific circumstances or actions of those around us, and we are able to clear those events and move forward. In the above example we may have found out that one time, when we were 3 our dad was teaching us how to put on our pants. He yelled loudly at us for putting the right leg in first, and although we had forgotten the event, our subconscious never did. Our subconscious mind records everything. It is actually the most powerful computer that can never be recreated in physicality. That is why we can use it to change our lives completely!
Attempting to rearrange the outside world to meet our expectations will end in suffering and disappointment. Looking within to make the necessary change to our belief system will actually improve our lives in ways we cannot even imagine. That is really what our work here is about.
For more information about how hypnotherapy can help you please contact me for your free consultation.
By Tammie Mohn, MBA
Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist
