Romantic Love, Subconscious Triggers and their Creation
Valentines day is really not an easy day for anyone. That’s right! Even those deeply in romantic love who are looking forward to spending the day or the evening thinking of, pledging themselves to, and honoring their significant other, have formed expectations around what this day should be and what it should represent. We all know where expectations most often lead us……to disappointment. So is it romantic love, or true love? This is the question we will answer.
Valentines is another mere concept that we have been taught. Cards, candy, red hearts and bouquets of red roses typically line store shelves about a month and a half before the day actually happens. Like Christmas, it needs to be revisited in our subconscious minds, because what we were taught and what we have stored in our subconscious mind is not necessarily correct. Because the subconscious is responsible for approximately 95% of our behavior, this is an important conversation.
So let’s get this whole Valentines idea straight. If you have a lover you expect them to give you a gift, take you to dinner, in essence, to show you how much they “love” you. If you don’t you should just sit home and contemplate why you are not lovable, why you are not worthy of love, think about why your last significant other dumped you, and consider the best, highest bridge you might be able to jump off of. Jumping off a bridge is certainly better than enduring this ridiculous holiday without a lover, right?
Remember in high school when they sent out the “grams.” They had various names and contents, but the main point was that if you got a “gram” you were worthy and loved…..no gram, no worth, no love. It’s nice that the PTO would raise money at the expense of their own children’s self-esteem. Even if you were lucky enough to be the recipient of one or several grams, it was still placing an illusory script in your head. Your worth was being based on the value that others placed on you. As a parent, did you ever send or consider sending your child a gram? Did you send it just to assure that they would not have to endure the pain of not getting a gram?
All of the hype and expectations that have been placed on Valentines day are just that….hype and expectations. Like Christmas, we visit it once a year and celebrate “love,” but isn’t this the best opportunity to teach ourselves and our children what real love is? The same way that we realize Christmas is about the Christ within and that it should be a daily, not yearly practice, we should realize and teach that romantic love is not real love, and that real love should also be a daily practice.
Romantic love is based on contracts, agreements and expectations. These concepts often lead to deep disappointments in life. Contracts are broken, agreements not kept and expectations are rarely met on a satisfying level. All of this can lead to great suffering. Real love is not based on conditions. True love comes from the inside and radiates outward as an expression of light that we each hold. We can and should shine our light on everyone, not just our romantic partner. Does that mean we connect with everyone in the same ways that we connect with our partner or mate? Not necessarily.
It does mean that we recognize that we are all a part of the same universe, made of the same materials, moving through a life experience. It means that we make someones day better when we can. We see another in the same perfection with which we were created. We understand that anything we do to others we also do to ourselves, for in essence we are one. The realization that no other human being is on the face of the earth to meet our expectations, and therefore validate our existence, is at the root of understanding. The only person who can fully satisfy your expectations in life is you. The only “perfect” love we can ever experience is that which we experience within, through our higher power.
Couples relationships can be, and are for many, a successful, deeply satisfying adventure, uplifting to each of the partners. In successful relationships both people tend to recognize the value of their own connection to their higher power. They both fulfill themselves from within first, then bless their partnership with the beauty they have received from source. Both partners understand that their mate is there to complement them and not to complete them.
If any of this rings true for you please, please share these concepts with your children, for we are feeding them the same refined sugar candy crap that we were fed when we were kids. We are feeding them the “happily ever after,” the “traditional love” values. These are the same values causing 50% of all marriages in the US to fail today. These are the same values that cause much unnecessary heartache and suffering.
This Valentines day make a vow to carry love in your heart each day. Share it with many for the entire year. Improve your own relationship by seeking validation and assurance from your higher power first, and encouraging your partner to do the same. Share the gift of the definition of real love with your children so that they might avoid the same traps we have fallen into.
Exercise:
Take 5 deep breaths, close your eyes, and feel the energy in your heart open and expand outward. Watch it expand as far as you can, blessing everyone and everything with the love and light of higher power. Do this at least once a day for just a few minutes and see what a difference you feel.
Namaste – the highest light in me sees the highest light in you.
For more information on what hypnotherapy can do for you contact me.
Tammie Mohn, CCHP, RYT, MBA
