How many times a day do we start a sentence with, “I want,” or “I need”? If we counted it would probably number quite a few…..perhaps 20 or more? Desires are inevitable in life. But are they the key to happiness? I like to call desires the “I wants.” As I studied and worked on myself more and more, I noticed that I would get the “I wants” less and less. I still get them sometimes, but having studied the art of desire I began to learn to know how to interpret them to make my life better and more complete.
Many people in many traditions of religion believe that desire is negative. They believe it is related to the material, physical world, full of “things” outside of ourselves. They see “having” as evil and arrogant, and “not having” as humble and good.
Desires can also relate to other people, such as the desire to have a relationship with partner, friend or spouse. Each person is entitled to their own view regarding desire, obviously, but today you are reading this to learn about mine.
I believe that desire of the material is perfectly natural. Here on this earth our spirits are contained in this body, which is physical. The body needs and wants certain things outside of itself. Experience is the reason we are here. Experience creates expansion in our lives and broadens our perspective of the world. As a physical manifestation of a spark of the God consciousness, we can all contribute to expansion of the whole by experiencing. Material possessions, wealth, money, love, and sex are all a part of these experiences, and it is desire that lights the path to them.
That being said, desire for outside material things can present an issue for us. When we look to outside things or people to fulfill us within, we tend to become attached to them. When something outside of ourselves is supplying us with one of our core needs, such as self-esteem or love, it becomes very difficult to let go of that person or thing. That is because after letting go we have to experience the absence of whatever was being supplied. Losing this supply can be a devastating, life-altering experience. When we become dependent upon anyone or anything today, we have gambled our stability on someone or something that may or may not be around tomorrow.
When we have a particular desire, we should ask ourselves why we have that desire. What is it that desire will add to our lives? For example, I have the desire to travel. Why do I want to travel? Well, I want to have different experiences, see new things, and meet new people. Why do I want to do those things? It is fun. Why is it fun? It makes me feel good. Why does it make me feel good? Because it makes me feel connected. Why does it feel good to be connected? Because I feel loved.
That is the essence of traveling for me. For someone else it might be different. However, that is an example of the line of questioning we need to use to find out why we have the desires we have. Once we figure that out, we don’t even need whatever it was we were in pursuit of….why? Because all core states actually come from within.
A core state is what you get at the end of each line of questioning. There aren’t that many core states. Some believe that all core states result in the ultimate core state which is love. Other possible core states are freedom, peace, and joy. The word itself is not that important. It is the feeling the word represents that matters most.
When we realize that our desires are leading us to a specific core state again and again, we can be sure that we have some work to do around that particular core state. For example, say that everything that I want is leading me to the core state of love. The question that I should be asking myself is, “what is causing me to not feel loved?” When my desires are leading me to that place, it means I am searching for love outside of myself, when I should be searching inside.
Strangely enough, it is certain that I will not find the object of my desire until I find it within myself first. We can only love another to the extent which we can love ourselves. Even if we go to the most peaceful place on earth we can never truly find peace until it is within first. A person can attend the most joyous event ever created, and not find any joy in it because they have not found the joy within. Our thoughts and feelings will keep us from these core states until we have found them inside of ourselves.
Hypnotherapy is a very effective way to find and remember these core states. In hypnotherapy we look at stored false beliefs in the subconscious which are sabotaging our efforts to remember these core states. The hypnotherapist gently guides and empowers their client to find and release these false beliefs, thereby opening up the path to find the peace, joy, freedom and love within. In fact, that vacation, beach house, or perfect mate might just end up being a bonus included in our happiness, as opposed to a necessity for our happiness.
For more information about what hypnotherapy can do for you, contact me.
By Tammie Mohn, MBA, CPA
Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist
