How to Negotiate Uncertain Times with Ease and Poise

What is Normal?

We have been hearing a lot about “the new normal,” lately. It is a phrase that seems to indicate the state of living we used to have is now gone, and further, will be changing to an entirely new and different state of living. It is a made up phrase, as are most of our new catch phrases, and it is rooted in imbalance. This phrase implies first, that there was a normal, second, that the normal it is going to change, and third, most importantly, that changing this normal is going to require a strenuous adjustment. I believe we can challenge the premise of this phrase, and I believe we can do it without losing our balance!

What is a normal day for you? As your mind wanders into the reverie of your morning coffee, your news program, your morning shower, etc., take an outsiders view of your day and allow yourself the flexibility, if just for a moment, of realizing that is not your “normal.” It is simply what you choose to do everyday. When we choose to do something everyday for a long time, we begin to call it “normal.” It could also be called a pattern, or a habit. What is the most important aspect of a pattern or a habit? Yes, that’s right. It brings us comfort. Normal is predictable, reliable, dependable. We could say something went as expected, happened as planned, was smooth, or went off without a hitch. These are all phrases that make us feel comfortable and safe.

Normal and the Need for Control

We could now ask ourselves why these states of being make us feel comfortable and safe. What is common to all of the above scenarios that make us feel comfortable, normal, balanced and safe? Right. Control. When believe we have control over our lives, when we believe that we know what is going to happen next, we feel comfortable. Control makes us feel feel safe.

But it is also in this state that we become stagnant. In a state of comfort and safety, where everything is predictable and happens as expected, we are not growing. We are never challenged to find a new way to handle a new situation. We are associating with the same people, whose behavior becomes quite predictable. Perhaps we eat the same things, and we know how they will taste. We go to the same places, and take the same route.
It’s the norm.

Let’s say one day, Starbucks is closed, and we can’t get our morning coffee. Uh oh….. So we spend the next half-hour trying to remedy this out of control issue. We go to the next Starbucks, and it is open, but the layout is different. The people are different. And now the whole day is…..

The whole day is what? Is your day worse? Is your day off balance? Perhaps your day abnormal? Step outside of yourself once again and observe. Ask yourself how you see your day now.

External Locus of Control

You now understand that the quality of your day depends partially on Starbucks being open, and you are not the only one. I too feel your pain. This means that you, and I, and we, as a population, are dependent upon outside circumstances for our “normal.” If a wrench is thrown into the mix, we do everything we can to get as close to what we used to know as possible. We wriggle and squirm until we can to return to that state of comfort, safety, and control. But what if we didn’t have to?

Having an external locus of control is a sure recipe for disaster. It is, absolutely true that we cannot depend on things outside of us to make us feel good, balanced, empowered or even happy, on the inside, at least not for long. In order to experience those feelings and states, we must first feel them on the inside. The concept I am about to introduce, when practiced, is going to feel completely “un” comfortable at first. But stick with it, and you will discover a whole new world.

How to Find your External Locus of Control

First, we must come to the understanding that no matter how we attempt to convince ourselves, we never really have control. Anything can change at any time. Anything can happen. This idea is not designed to make us feel uncomfortable or unsafe, but excited and motivated. Life is about having experiences. It isn’t the kind of game where the person who dies with the most wins. Life isn’t a contest to define how popular you are, what kind of car you drive, or what your house looks like. It isn’t a running checklist that we mark off each day so that we can feel good when our head hits the pillow. This life is a true gift! It is meant to be lived. And in living we get to have all kinds of experiences, play many different roles, know many people, go many places, and participate in many different ways.

There is no wrong way to do life, nor is there a right way, unlike the aisles in your local grocery store, at this point. The bottom line is, who are we to say that an experience that comes our way is “bad” or “not good for us.” Sometimes an experience may “feel” bad, but that is not life’s fault. That is our own programming, and our own discomfort at our perceived loss of control. What if we could grab each experience and embrace it like it was the best thing that ever happened to us? What if we could make life about the “no normal” instead of the “new normal”?

We can! But we have to be willing to change the way we perceive our experience. We have to be willing to step out of our “comfort” zone….if just for a while. We have to be willing to experience the no normal. How?

Finding the NO Normal

Trust Life and your Higher Power

Do you believe that life happens for you, or against you? Are you trusting that life has the best in store for you? Do you have faith in your higher power to bring you the best of everything? What if life takes you down a road you didn’t expect to travel? What if life takes you down a dark alley, as a short-cut, so you can get to the sunshine more quickly? Do you trust, always, that the best is in store for you? If you don’t, then try it.

Choose to believe that Starbucks was closed, just for you, because there was someone you needed to meet, or something you needed to see, or perhaps even an accident, or traffic jam you needed to avoid. Trust that everything is always working out for you. Trust that everything happens in your favor. Believe that your higher power, the universe and life are all on your side….and guess what happens then…they are! It really is that simple. If we can find a basis for this belief, then life and change suddenly take on a new shine.

Change your Life Every Day

Throw away your check list. Ok, maybe just throw away the first half and work your way up to the second half. The point is to make changes to your life every day. Do what comes naturally. Do what makes you feel good. If you are making your bed and the phone rings, and you want to take it, then do. Enjoy your conversation. Trust that your conversation is exactly where you are supposed to be at this moment. If you get back to making the bed, great! If you don’t, then there is a reason why it will remain unmade today. Do not force your life into a checklist. If something does not go as planned, it is more than ok…it is good. Let your life flow!

Do things differently. Haven’t you always wanted to take a different route, take your vacation at a different time, or change the time you eat? Aren’t there things you’ve always wanted to do but never have? They don’t fit on the checklist, right? Well, the checklist is gone. So do them. Try the no normal. Experience them.

Stop Giving Two Sts!**

Everyone wants to be free. Everyone, everywhere, wants to live a life in freedom and peace. This is because it is our natural state. But most people also get comfort from knowing that others are just like them. Most people are dependent on outside validation. The part of us that is instinctual wants desperately to fit in. There is a primal part of us that relies on herd mentality. This is the part that asks for safety in numbers, safety in conformity, ultimately, safety in normality. Fear drives us to live in this instinctual state, but if we trust our inner empowerment, our source, our guidance, life and our higher power, to take us where we are supposed to be, then we can sidestep this fear.

Living the No Normal

So don’t be surprised when the people at the office want to commit you, or your group of friends decides you are crazy, or when someone you love and respect takes your checklist out of the trash and tries to give it back to you. Just trust, know, and believe. Keep your balance on the inside. When you have that inner belief and inner validation, it no longer matters to you what other people think. And soon, you won’t encounter the nay-sayers at all…..because you will have gone where life wanted to take you. You will be free. You will have created the “No Normal,” living in a comfortable bliss.

As the world continues to transform more and more rapidly, we are required to find new ways to cope. By re-perceiving “normal” and finding the no normal, we can ease ourselves out of a check-box life, and maintain our peace, balance, and happiness in the most trying of situations.

For more information about what hypnotherapy can do for you, contact me for your free consultation today.

By Tammie Mohn
Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, MBA, CPA
May 11, 2020