The stories we tell ourselves are the key to changing our reality. Deep, in the almost silent recesses of our minds, we are telling continuous stories about our lives to ourselves. They are so subtle, that sometimes we have to really listen closely to hear them. They drift through our minds like whispers in the wind, recordings set on a permanent loop. All of us have written many, many stories to explain the way our lives should or could be happening. We have stories that tell us
how others should or could have behaved. We have stories about how we were treated as children, husbands, wives, sisters and brothers. These tales that we tell ourselves are of the utmost importance. These tales are the movie scripts that create our lives.
What do we deserve? What are we worth? Are we accepted, liked, loved and cared about? If we want to change our lives we must listen to the stories our mind tells us that answer these questions. Once we have listened to the stories and explored the underlying emotions, only then can we discover the beliefs that belie the stories we tell ourselves.
Let’s explore Charlie’s story as, an example, to get a better understanding of this phenomenon. Charlie is having a tough time with his finances. He cannot understand why. He continuously looks for a job but can’t find one. On the occasion that he does find a position, he works for a few weeks, finds the others and the position intolerable, and inevitably self-destructs back into unemployment. Charlie is a well educated man with a somewhat personable demeanor. He wants to understand what is going on with his self-sabotaging and his continued dissatisfaction in life due to unemployment.
The story that was just written is the story that Charlie tells himself every day. Charlie even tells this tale to his friends and family. He frequently makes statements such as, “I just don’t understand why I can’t find a job,” and, “I just don’t understand why I can’t keep a job,” and, “I just don’t understand why people don’t like me.” Those are quite some stories that Charlie tells himself and others continuously, and the more he tells them, the more true they become. He is putting precious energy into telling these stories, and we know that energy creates.
As these stories run through his mind he believes them, whether they are true or not. They stir his emotions and cause a loop of feeling bad and re-telling the stories. These stories even bleed into other parts of his life, such as, “I just don’t understand,” which creates the lack of the ability for Charlie to understand things on many occasions. “Nobody likes me,” is also bleeding out into his life. When he goes to an event or a gathering, or especially a new job, it seems to him that others just snub him and walk away, not the least bit interested in engaging.
We all do this to a certain extent. When things are not going well we want to tell that story. Often, we even want to tell that story to others in order to gain sympathy or support. The problem is, that when we do tell others it affects they way they see us, thus causing their energy to contribute to the story as well.
I have a friend who is a devout Christian. I have always admired her ability to have faith. When she has an issue she will say something like, “Yes, I believe that God is working miracles in my life and that I am going to find the perfect job soon.” Wow! Not only is she telling a positive story but she is using the word “believe,” for it is truly our beliefs that rule our lives. Since that is what she is telling herself, and that is the story she’s telling me, I believe her too. Now she has her energy, my energy, and the power of source backing her up. That story is certainly going to come true!
Stories we tell ourselves are actually a great gift. Our subconscious minds love stories, metaphors, and especially the feelings that go with them. And magic genie that it is, our subconscious is more than willing to create any story we continually ask it to create. It is important, then, to believe the best and tell ourselves the most positive story we can create. It is also important, however, to know where the story is coming from.
In Charlie’s case he must first see that he is telling himself a story that he is not liked, and second, clear the belief of the original story that told him he was not liked. Was it the kids on the playground playing Red Rover who never asked to send Charlie over? Was it the school’s most popular kid telling him that no one really liked him? Regardless of where the story came from, it is important for Charlie to know that it is not the truth. It is the belief playing out in his mind, emotions, and therefore life, that make this story true. Once he is able to accept and develop the truth, that he is liked, connected, valuable and important, then he will stop creating this story that has become real in his life.
Take some time and listen to the tales that you are telling in your mind. Know that you are the creator of your stories and therefore, your life. Value yourself enough to create the best stories possible, and to stop telling the stories that do not benefit you. It may seem, at first, like you are truly telling yourself a fictional tale, but if you keep telling it, over time, you will begin to see this tale take form in your life.
It is not always easy to find the beliefs that back up these stories and therefore change them for good. For more information on how hypnotherapy can help please contact me.
by
Tammie Mohn
Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist
