Finding Freedom through Healing our Parent-Child Relationships
The Wounded Orphan
Many people are still seeking those parents that they never had. Many people look outside of themselves to find the father or mother who was absent. 
Others seek the loving or caring parent, where a parent was abusive. Still others want to find that role model to provide guidance and advice. Seeking these things is not wrong or abnormal. In fact, since the breakdown of the family after the first industrial revolution, it has become the norm. It is no fault of the children inside of us who seek to be loved, guided and cared for. But there could be danger lurking in the place that these lost feelings are sought.
How many times have we entered into relationships, be they friendships or romantic relationships, only to find that the person treated us like our mother or father? How many times have we noticed character traits of our parent in our friends or romantic partners? This is not coincidence! And no, in case you were wondering we will not be dipping our toes into the Freudian pond today.
We will, however, explore the patterns of our relationships with our parents. We will also look at how these wounds, so deeply embedded in our subconscious mind, keep us in the same maze, running after the same cheese, for as long as we allow it.
This all began long before the industrial revolution. We we look back and consider the stereotypes that were created way back in Rome and before, long ago. We find the created sterotype of the female, home with the children, while the male goes out to work in the world. Male energy was dominant in the world, while female energy was dominant in the care taking of the children and perhaps the elderly. Female energy is the nurturing, receiving, allowing energy, and the male energy is the doing, thinking, achieving energy. So were they correct? Just look at the hunter/gatherers, right? Actually, the truth is, that 9000 years ago it was quite common for females to hunt. So who was taking care of the children?
Yes, the responsibilities were shared amongst male and female. So what happened in the times of Romans? When did women actually stop hunting and find “their place” in the home? And it wasn’t just the Romans. At what point did women begin to have to disguise themselves as men to fight for their country and be a leader of people?
The bottom line is, that at some point female energy was suppressed and hidden away. The goddess became the mother, and male energy began ruling the world. That balance is now shifting back to a healthier place, and that is important. But maybe not solely for the reasons you might think.
You see, our souls are gender-neutral, but as human beings we do have gender. We were born with a gender for a specific reason or purpose that only we know. And it is still true that, for the most part, only female humans can have babies, but only with the contribution of the male human. It takes both parts. No – we are not going into gender here, but now we reach an important the point in this story. Male and female, at a soul level, are energies. They are polar opposites, that make a whole.
This means that a female can have male energy and a male can have female energy. When we began suppressing the female energy, long ago, it suddenly became “bad” for a male to possess what might be construed as female energy. A man could not express emotion (unless it was anger), or spend the day with his children. Men were taught that the female energy was the lesser energy, and there for any display of it was not tolerated by society. And to an extent we are still in that place! It’s so hard to believe.
At least before the industrial revolution a child would still understand what male and female energy was, and have access to both, even if the delivery was somewhat questionable. But the industrial revolution brought with it the break-up of the family unit. Now children did not even have the advantage of the distorted versions of male and female. Now they were mostly without any stable guidance whatsoever. They were cared for by schools, caretakers or even left to their own devices. But they were not guided, not loved, not seen, and definitely not heard.
Money was the new love, fast food was the new meal, vacation was the new family time, and school was the new place to learn. Parents no longer guided saw, heard, or cared for their children, they provided for them. And what did they provide? Food, clothing, homes, and eventually cars, computers, and educations. One or both parents, physically and mentally absent, replaced by things. And, as adults, most of our parents raised us this way.
You know the study about babies? The failure to thrive study? If you are not familiar with this it is the proven ideology that babies do not thrive, and sometimes do not survive, without touch. But are we simple minded enough to believe that the need for touch, care and parental interaction end with infancy? Children need their parents. They need to be more than “provided for.” Children are not eating machines that we have to feed. Children are souls, provided to specific parents who will guide them, so that they, themselves, may become adults and learn to care for, love, cherish and honor their own children someday. Right now we have got it all wrong.
But that is also not the point to this article. The point is, that beginning at the place where we started getting it wrong, we opened ourselves up to wounds. And those wounds would allow us to be manipulated by fear of abandonment. Those wounds would cause us to be weak on the inside, looking outside of ourselves for the comfort and safety that we never received from our parents. Ask yourself, who do you look to, to meet your needs? Be honest, because there is much at stake. The world seems to be crumbling before our very eyes, and we can be certain that it is fear driving the demise.
Ask yourself these questions:
Am I looking for someone or something outside myself to keep me safe?
Do I need someone or something outside myself to provide for me?
Am I looking for someone outside myself to love and care for me?
Am I afraid?
It is only through healing the parent-child relationships, and healing the wounds, that we can come to know freedom and independence. Each person contains male and female energy. It is our choice to find the energy that we are lacking in another being, or to find it within ourselves. But we must realize, that if we look outside of ourselves for our provisions, or even our love, it leaves us open to those who would manipulate us. This is not to say we should not love. We should love with all our hearts. That is imperative. But before we can give love we need a source.
What if you knew you could have free energy for the rest of your life? All you needed to do to get this energy, is to connect. There is a fountain of love that never stops giving. There is an unending source of love that requires absolutely no outside assistance. And this source is not merely the source of love, but the source of everything. And all we need do is connect to it. We don’t need any fancy coils or outlets for this energy, for this love. For we ARE the outlets. We have the connection material built in. And if you are alive, and breathing, you have it.
Your childhood wounds are not your fault. Our parents did not practice healing parent-child relationships either, but it is not their fault. It is simply time to take responsibility for healing parent-child relationships ourselves, for we are all one essentially. It is time to stop looking outside of ourselves for the entity or person that is going to save us. We need to begin connecting to the source. And the connection could not be easier to find.
If you would like guidance and exercises on healing parent-child relationships, please visit my website or contact me for more information. If you see yourself repeating the same types of relationships over and over that lead you to sadness and depression, please contact me for exercises. I will be posting some free exercises for those who care to use them. Most importantly, if you find yourself getting overly involved in the politics of things, becoming depressed because things are not turning out as you had hoped, please contact me or visit my website. Now is the time to turn inward. It is the time to connect with your source. Now is the time for love and healing.
Blessings
Tammie Mohn
Empowered Beyond Belief
